It's Time To Start Believing Again

I feel like I'm losing all control of myself and so many things seem to keep knocking me back. I'm losing all self-belief in my abilities and my confidence is getting knocked because of it.
The thing that is suffering the most is my confidence in my ability to rap. I feel like I can't pick up a pen and write because I fear that whatever I write will not meet my usual standards. I've got to somehow get out of this mindset.
Not only am I suffering with my music, but almost every other department is suffering too. At this point in time, I feel like I can't do anything; I'm currently having to claim unemployment benefits because I just can't seem to get a job, and I know it sounds vain, but I'm starting to feel really shit about the way I look as well as the way I feel about myself in general.

I know that I've got to make changes and stop being so selfish, arrogant and persistent (with the things I shouldn't be so persistent with) if I want to start feeling good about things, and I'm prepared to put in the work that needs to be done in order to do so.

My Realisation!

Over the past couple of weeks I've learnt some things about myself. I've learnt that I just don't know when to quit, and because of that, I keep pushing limits that I really shouldn't be pushing at all. Because of this stubbornness, I keep causing arguments with the one girl I love the most which is resulting in her thinking negatively about everything. I really don't want to be that same person I was just a couple of years ago. Why do I never seem to learn from such things? I really thought that I had got past it and that I was growing up. Obviously not!

I'm tired of fucking everything up and making things worse for myself and everyone around me. I have made so many mistakes, but what's worse is my decision making. That's something I vastly need to improve.

Whilst I am taking the time to state my faults and the things I need to work on; I also want to take this time to apologise to anyone I have hurt over the years. I also want to apologise for any rift I have caused amongst others and to the people I have lost friendships with because of my stubbornness. I'm prepared to make changes to improve myself, and I'm working hard to ensure that I do so.